To bath or not to bath a Maltese Poodle?

30th Dec, 2016

In which DD’s dreams of sharing her life with a snow white, cute and fluffy, baby fresh-scented, princess dog are dashed.  

Illustration by Jenny Lamont

I have learnt to live with a scruffy, rather hamster-ish-smelling, cheeky and obsessively possessive little bitch (I can say that in every meaning of the word – human and doggy).

I can honestly say I have tried. I gave her the soft puppy bed, complete with plush Hello Kitty bedding, the cute comfort bunny toy and a wonderful fluffy baby blanket. I endeavour to bath her in only the best doggy shampoo, and blow-dry her lovingly every two weeks.

And in return I get... a Maltese monster that brings smelly old socks – or, even worse, soggy wet chews that she’s ‘captured’ – onto the bed with a dire need to bury them under my chin so as to keep them safe from the clutches of Sheba the pesky pup. Not to mention the horrible moments when she is hell-bent on starting a fight with any dog that is preferably larger than knee-high – generally the ones that would have no problem at all swallowing her whole.

Little Sammy is a surprisingly aloof pooch who generally keeps to herself. She seems to look upon me as a bodyguard of her possessions and a sole provider of food, smelly socks and chews. A moment ago, when cuddling up close in a caring manner, I discovered to my horror that she has hadedah poop smeared behind each ear! (Must be a girl thing – the behind your ear bit.) Nice. 

Not much I can do really... Maltesii (as in the plural?) are known to be surprisingly hardy, bolshie, and can outlive most of the grannies I see daily at Gardens Shopping Centre. So I stand true to my commitment to love and cherish her for as long as we both shall live, praying that her end won’t be met in the jaws of one of the many large dogs that frequent our beach and represent a fun moving target for our little Sammy.

Love you Sammy! Beauty in your case truly is more than fur deep.

Editor's note: Read more about me and my little pack every evening on